Profile of the alchemist element
 
NEWS & EVENTS

Bob, the alchemist element's first EP, is now complete. Look for it at shows or download it on-line.

Did you hear the one about the Mexican, the Armenian, the Colombian and the Jew?

No?

Well then. Listen up.

Because they're too sincerely modest to do it, refusing even jokingly to refer to themselves as headliners of anything, I'ma have to roll up my sleeves for this one. Clear my throat and, ahem, kick the plagiarism:

***

Who's to say? Maybe it's enough for you. After all, they're playing the game on a shiny hardwood surface, and it moves with such beauty and ferocity across that surface. Perhaps you can stick your hand on a radiator and know all you need to know about heat. But if only you could hear, in the silence between the breakneck double-bass beat and arching high notes. If only you could see what brought each of these four people to this stage, what makes them roll and rock and soar across it, then you would know the true beauty of the music.

It's my pleasure to introduce you -- whoever you are, a friend of the band, a random someone who saw a sticker or a flyer, some dude who thought he'd find magic alchemy spells on this site, or some cat who heard these four fine fellas rock the club last weekend -- to my favorite band:

the alchemist element

The highest damn band that's only ever taken one puff. Deadly serious dudes with a classic sense of comic timing. What happens when accident-prone meets never-been-sick. And as Los Angeles as it fuckin' gets, people. Diverse for a melting pot. Mixed up for a bowl of salad. You liked Pantera? You dig The Mars Volta? You got love for Alice in Chains? You roll wit' Coltrane, Korn, Claypool? You into Machine Head, Metallica, Mudvayne? Admire System, Slayer, Sublime? Down with Dillinger, Damage Plan, or Depeche Mode? A fan of TiestOutKasTooLaurynHilLexsisJumpSabbath? Maybe you like movies? Ever been in a car crash? Perhaps you like Matzos? Or blinchik? Ever had your heart broken? Maybe you never will? Vote for Cheney? Or Kerry? Or did you fuckin' vote at all? Do you like Tequila? Vodka? Cognac? Enjoy jokes about ducks goin' into bars lookin' for grapes and staple guns? Are you alive?

Then you'll love these motherfuckers! Bless their hearts, the brave, talented dudes are daring to do something you've never, ever heard before.

***

On mutha-thump, thump, thumpin' bass, Mr. Omar Marin. With apologies to the guitarist, nobody in this unit is more ..m/ METAL ..m/ than this dude, who, by the way, could teach even Snoop a thing or two about that thing that makes you squint and giggle and forget what song comes next.

On crazy circus guitar, the official spokesman for Hatorade, if he were a rapper, he'd go by MC Kritik: Mr. Hamlet Nalbandyan. Man, I love the guitarist.

Going 200 mph on drrrrums, it's the man who's never been completely right, Mr. Elvin Zuleta. Elvin's had his stomach explode, sliced off one of his fingers, broken his leg, cracked up his heel, had his ankle severely sprained in a foosball match and overcome much, much more -- just in the past three weeks! And don't think he's not taking that shit out on his drum set.

And at the front, no, it's not Flava Flav, it ain't Seinfield -- he's sort of a tweener. He's Mr. Dave Podell. One of the band members happens to be particularly stubborn, refusing for months and months to settle for a singer who was average, or mediocre, or good, even. This unidentified band member figured this band needed someone great. The band got something better. They got Dave.

Give it on up for the alchemist element: Your new favorite band. And if you're just hopping aboard, buckle the fuck up.